Bookish Academy Awards 2016

The Oscars were on Sunday. I don't watch them. I go on the Internet the next day and look at all the pretty dresses, but I don't actually watch the Oscars. Regardless, I like the history of the awards, and I love movies. Not in the same way I love books, but I can appreciate beautiful cinematography with the best of them, as well as witty dialogue and beautiful costumes. And, well, I'm a sucker for musicals. Anyway, this isn't really a tag, but I thought I would host my own Bookish Academy Awards here on Bookworm Basics. This was created by Little Book Owl. I changed some of the categories to fit me, so I'll put a little asterisk next to the ones I changed. To make things simple, I will only use books I read in the year of 2016, hence the "2016" in the title. Maybe I'll do this yearly.

And so, here is: The First Annual Bookish Academy Awards here at Bookworm Basics!

Best Actor: Cameron Wolfe (Underdogs)
(Best Male Protagonist)
I love Cameron Wolfe from Underdogs by Markus Zusak. There's just something about this boy that went straight to my heart. Zusak has the most lovable main characters I've ever read, and Cameron Wolfe is no exception. 
Also in the running were: 
Alexei Kalugin (The Tsar of Love and Techno)
Aaron Rowe (The Dead I Know)
Kaz Brekker (Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom)
Count Alexander Rostov (A Gentleman in Moscow)

Best Actress: Citra Terranova (Scythe)
(Best Female Protagonist)
Neal Shusterman knows how to write female characters better than most female authors do. I loved Citra; she reminded me of a female version of Connor Lassiter. She was smart and funny and utterly badass. Hands down my favorite female protagonist of the year.
Also in the running:
Kady Grant (Illuminae)
Inej Ghafa (Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom)
Joana Vilkas (Salt to the Sea)
Sadie Kingston (The Lies About Truth)

Best Cinematography: The Tsar of Love and Techno by Anthony Marra
(Best Writing)*
Here's another one I changed because I couldn't for the life of me figure out a book with a good plot twist. So I went with best writing because it fit better and also because I loved this book so much it needed acknowledgement. If you haven't read this book it comes highly recommended.

Best Costume Design: Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
(Best Book Cover)
I feel like Six of Crows is that movie that everyone loves and expects to clean up but only ends up winning like one or two awards-and one of the awards is Costume Design. I say this because at least something from Six of Crows always came up whenever I thought about any of these categories, but there was always just another book that did it better. But this book is well deserving of best book cover. Everything about it is just beautiful, and I gasped out loud when opening the Amazon box it came in for the first time. Definitely a winner.
Other contenders include:
Glitter (Aprilynne Pike)
Illuminae (Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff)
Shadow and Bone (Leigh Bardugo)
The Night Circus (Erin Morgenstern)

Best Supporting Actor and Actress: Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom) and Ella Malikova (Gemina)
(Best Male and Female Sidekick)
One boy and one girl for this one. Jesper because I love him, and Ella because she's such a badass.
Other contestants:
Earl Jackson (Me and Earl and the Dying Girl)
Genya Safin (The Grisha Trilogy)
Ruben Wolfe (The Underdogs)
Ruth (Never Let Me Go)
Scythe Faraday (Scythe)
Mona (The Memory of Light)
AIDEN (Illuminae)
Mel Mitchell (The Rest of Us Just Live Here)

Best Original Screenplay: Burial Rites by Hannah Kent
(Most Unique Plot)
I just put down the first book I could think of, because it was wholly unique and honestly, I can't think of any other book to fit this category.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
(Best Play)*
I wasn't sure what to say for this one because I only watched like one movie adaptation in the year of 2016 and it kind of sucked (it was A Walk in the Woods, if you're curious). So I changed it to best play, even though I only ever read one play. However, it was a damn good one, so I decided to honor it with this award. I'm sure the estate of Arthur Miller is greatly honored.

Best Animated Feature: Sisters by Raina Telgemeier
(Best Graphic Novel)*
I read two graphic novels last year and that was enough for me. This was one of them. As someone who has a sister, I liked it just fine.

Best Director: Anthony Marra
(A writer you discovered for the first time)
For an author I didn't discover until December, he sure shot up my list of favorites. His writing style is perfect, and he is honestly now an auto buy. His work is perfection.
Other possible choices include:
Amor Towles
Leigh Bardugo
Courtney C Stevens
AS King

Best Visual Effects: The Grisha trilogy by Leigh Bardugo
(Best Action in a Book)
Yeah, I didn't know what to say for this one, but I liked the magic system in this trilogy, so I guess that counts for action?

Best Musical Score: TS Eliot
(Best Poet)*
Another one I didn't know what to say for! Because again, I don't watch movies based off books. So I went with best poet, because this year was the year I discovered the work of TS Eliot, who is now probably my favorite poet. Hollow Men is my favorite poem of his, I think. And since tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, I think my choice is appropriate. 

Best Short Film: The Dead I Know by Scot Gardner
(Best Novella or Short Book)
I really loved this book. It's an obscure Aussie book, so it's kind of unknown, but damn Aussie authors know how to write! I've only ever come across one Australian author who hasn't worked for me.
Other possible candidates were:
Anna and the Swallow Man (Gavriel Savit)
The Last Execution (Jesper Wung-Sung)
The Ocean at the End of the Lane (Neil Gaiman)
Shackled (Tom Leveen)

Best Picture: The Road by Cormac McCarthy
(Best Stand-Alone)
The reason I chose this book should be obvious. It was beautiful and bleak and heartbreaking and highly, highly recommended.

Best Documentary: Please Kill Me by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain
(Best Non-Fiction)
I love nonfiction, but haven't read much this year. This book was great. Seriously the most punk rock book I've ever read. Highly recommended, but viewer discretion is advised.

So what are some of your choices for these categories? Do you agree? Disagree? Talk to me!

Worst Books of 2016!

And now, here's the moment you've all been waiting for: The Worst Books of 2016! Because liking things is so overrated. There's also 13 of them, because I can do whatever I want and having a top ten is so 2016.

WARNING: THERE WILL BE MINOR SPOILERS BELOW

*disclaimer: yada yada yada all opinions are my own yada yada yada yes you can like these books even if I don't yada yada just don't be mad okay?*

13. Hold Me Like a Breath by Tiffany Schmidt 4/10

The main reason why this book made the list is because I was so disappointed by it. I had such high hopes, and the premise sounded awesome! Going in, I expected some badass girl to take over her family’s organ black market (how cool is that?) business. I wanted a morally corrupt heroine that’s hard to root for, but still is an interesting character. Instead, I got some childish girl who claimed to want more to do with her family’s business, but spent entire meetings daydreaming and then complaining when people didn’t take her seriously, ran away after her parents were killed, and fell in love with some guy who mind as well have “I’m the love interest” stamped on his forehead. The villains were so obvious. I had been hoping that this was the book that would fill the Unwind-shaped hole in my heart, but it lacked the things that made Unwind work for me. I didn’t like that Schmidt (heh, Schmidt) tried to make it seem like what the Family was doing was so moral- I hate it when authors do that. I felt like the author could have ramped up the disturbing factor so much. I wasn’t expecting her to pull out UnDivided levels of disturbing, but maybe just expand on the actual process of organ donation or the clinic that the brother and fake-out love interest started that used stuff gotten from corpses. That would have definitely grabbed my attention. But as a whole, this book was hella disappointing.

12. The Girl in the Blue Coat by Monica Hesse 3.5/10

This book felt like a bad Code Name Verity rip off. I hated the main character, I hated the twist ending, the mystery did not grab me at all, and it wasn’t very enjoyable to read. I feel like this book did not add anything to the historical fiction genre, and I think the reason why I didn’t like this book at all was because it represented in my head every trend I hate in YA historical fiction. Much like Salt to the Sea did the opposite and helped rekindle my hope in YA historical fiction, this helped me along in my decision to pick up more adult historical fiction. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Code Name Verity, I just don’t need to read it again. It also reminded me a bit of Tamar by Mal Peet, which did the Dutch Resistance much more justice in my opinion. In some parts, I felt as if the author was just telling us her research instead of showing it, and the actually interesting parts with the Dutch Resistance and the black market were brushed aside in favor of a mystery I really didn’t care about. As a historical fiction lover, this book did nothing for me.

11. The Problem With Forever by Jennifer L Armentrout 3.5/10

Side note: the entire time reading this, I had the Cage the Elephant song “It’s Just Forever” rolling through my head. This book has nothing to do with that song. Which is sad, because if it had been, it probably would have had more of an interesting storyline. I hated this book. It was way too long and rife with typical romance novel cliches, like when Mallory breaks up with Pretty Boy because of a misunderstanding and blah blah blah. I can’t remember his name (I keep wanting to call him Ryder, which may or may not be his name- I read this back in June/July okay don’t yell at me) but Pretty Boy mind as well be his name because every time he shows up Mallory feels the need to inform us of his beauty. So Pretty Boy it is. Anyway, the plot was convoluted and overwrought, like Armentrout wanted to thrown in all of the issues that she could think of. I hated her best friend, who had no place in the plot other than to lecture some guys about the First Amendment and get mad at them for “mansplaining” even though she was the one lecturing at them in the first place, and then tell Mallory that she was slowly going blind. Another issue that I didn’t care about. I didn’t care about Pretty Boy’s foster siblings; they were really just walking social commentary I had to pretend to care about because it’s relevant to today’s society. The only person who I kind of liked was PB’s ex, who had a right to hate Mallory because once she showed up PB basically abandoned her. Mallory was also such a bitch to her and then was surprised that the ex was a bitch back. PB likes cars and art because that’s what sensitive bad boys like, right? Also, no, Mallory, he doesn’t have to go to college. Not everyone needs to go to college. If he wants to paint cars, let him. It’s good money, even if he is as “smart” as you are. I felt as if Armentrout didn’t even research any of the issues this book was filled with at all, and had no idea what actual child abuse victims are like, but she wanted to give these characters a tortured past. The writing was Instagram-flowery, like it was meant to be put on Instagram with a pretty font and background alongside all the John Green quotes. What can I say other than this book was the biggest waste of two hours I have ever spent. And no, Armentrout, Puerto Rican is not a language. Spanish is a language. Puerto Rican Spanish is a dialect of Spanish. But Puerto Rican itself is not a language. If you don’t even know that, then why are you writing a book that includes Puerto Rican characters? She’s just as smart as her main characters supposedly are.

10. This Is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E Smith 3/10

I know Jennifer E Smith is like some really popular teen romance novel author, but I’m far from a teen romance fan. This book seemed like an accidentally published fan fiction. But first things first: the title. I thought that, by the title, it would be some cute book about a depressed girl who found happiness. But nope, not at all. In fact, apart from some email exchanges that don’t make any sense, the title means basically nothing.The main character (Emily?) was obvious wish-fulfillment, with her apparent genius and her love of poetry and her red hair that she obviously hated (why does every redheaded heroine hate her hair color, anyway? I know quite a few redheads, and they all love their hair and would never change it). And the freaking email thing? Give me a break. I’d excuse a mistyped number before a mistyped email. It seemed like every cliche was thrown in here at once. The missing dad, the “smart” heroine, the broody love interest, the fake girlfriend, the argument between the heroine and her best friend. And of course, everything working out in the end. I think one of my biggest problems is the fact that the heroine supposedly loved poetry, but there were maybe two actual references to poetry in the entire book. I adore poetry, and I hated that part. I love finding out about new poets, because I love reading it, and I think there was one reference to Emily Dickinson, the most cliche poet on the face of the Earth. Now, I like Emily Dickinson just fine, but she’s overplayed, let’s be honest here. What about poets like TS Eliot or ee cummings? They are two of my favorite poets, and I feel like they rarely get mentioned in YA lit. And I felt like, given how little her love was shown, she didn’t deserve that seminar or whatever at Harvard(?). She didn’t really seem that smart, to be honest. I mean, if I had to look at the positives for this book, I would say that I did like that the dad wasn’t completely vilified, but overall, this book just tasted too much like cotton candy for me to like it. The ending just clinched my dislike for this book. I mean, I would say this book is harmless, but I swear to God it gave me a freaking toothache.

9. Every Exquisite Thing by Matthew Quick 3/10
I did not like this book very much. In fact, this is my second Matthew Quick book that I really didn’t like, which made me think that perhaps Matthew Quick is just not for me. I don’t know, maybe I’d love Silver Linings Playbook, and maybe his YA stuff just sucks, but I can’t hope on the Quick bandwagon because I find his books so whiny and self-indulgent and the characters so insufferable. It’s obvious that Quick is trying desperately to be JD Salinger, and I like some of Salinger’s work (didn’t really like Catcher in the Rye- Holden annoyed me too much- but loved his short stories, including A Girl I Knew, which is actually one of my favorite short stories of all time). I didn’t hate Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock as much as I hated this book. Seriously, Nanette was awful, her love interest was awful, the only character that was even a little bit bearable was the author himself. Nanette was just one of the most self-centered horrible main characters I’ve ever come across, and the thing that makes her absolutely unbearable to me is that she so clearly thinks she’s above everyone else. She reminded me a bit of Raskolnikov, in that sense, but Raskolnikov has more of a moral backing than she does. Yes, a man who killed two helpless women seemed like a better person than Nanette because he actually started to redeem himself by the end. She was just as horrible at the end as she was in the beginning of the book. And she had a good life- upper middle class parents, extracurriculars, a friend group, a potential best friend, a potential boyfriend and she chose to throw that all away. And don’t even get me started on the love interest. I can only take so much bad poetry and whatever else he had going on and honestly didn’t shed one tear when he died. The subplot about finding the author’s lost love didn’t really interest me, and a lot of the author bits were trying so desperately hard to channel John Green’s author in The Fault in Our Stars (hated that book by the way)- although this author was a better person than Peter van Houten was, still I admit that van Houten was the best character in that book. I also have to give a quick shout out to the cringe-worthy scene where Nanette loses her virginity, since there was way more blood then there probably should have been. But overall, the only things I really liked about this book were as follows: the references to Charles Bukowski, who is one of my favorite poets (even if most of the people reading this book are probably going to write him off as a poet for pretentious teens), the title Every Exquisite Thing, and the Oscar Wilde quote it came from. Other than that, this book was the most pretentious book I read all year and the only book whose characters I couldn’t stand. The only reason why it isn’t lower is because of the Buk, really.

8. This is Where it Ends by Marieke Nijkamp 3/10

I could think of at least 4 really great books about school shootings off the top of my head, including books like Hate List by Jennifer Brown, Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult, Damage Done by Amanda Panitch, which I loved even though many people didn’t, and even Columbine by Dave Cullen, a really great nonfiction novel that shatters a lot of myths surrounding the Colorado massacre. The point is, I could create an entire list of great books about school shootings, and this book wouldn’t even make it. The characters were paper thin- cardboard cut out is too much of a complement. I could practically see the checklist Nijkamp probably had by her manuscript when creating these characters. It sounded hella unlikely, as well, that a rural farm town had so much diversity, as well. I’m from a small CT town, and I can tell you that my town is basically full of straight white people. I did like that ROTC students were involved in the story, since that appeared to be something wholly unique- I never read a book that even mentioned the ROTC program, let alone had one of the main characters be one. But that was the only original thing about it. The villain was painfully cliche, with no depth to him whatsoever, and I cared nought for any of the characters. I even started to root for him, because I was so bored and just wanted to see someone die, goddamnit. Nothing about this book made any logical sense, nothing happened enough for me to actually care, the motive for the murder was pointless and unrealistic. This book was a regurgitation of every school shooting book I ever read, with none of the depth that Hate List or Nineteen Minutes had and none of the intense mystery that got me hooked on Damage Done. As a whole, this book was nothing compared to any of the above mentioned novels. It’s only redeeming factor (besides the ROTC characters) is that it was short.

7. The DUFF by Kody Keplinger 3/10

Ugh, this book. Just, ugh. I know how widely beloved this book, and I know how much it must hurt, but I hate this book. I hated Bianca, who was an idiot for all her claiming of intelligence. She thought that problems like her father’s drinking would just solve themselves while she went out and shagged some guy (and damn, those two have a lot of sex for high schoolers). And then, and then, she was surprised when her best friend Casey was mad even though she had been ignoring her for said boy. And, while I'm far from a feminist, it annoyed me how she constantly looked down on Jess for being perky and Casey for being a cheerleader. She seemed like such a major buzz kill (*salutes*), expecting her friends to come to her beck and call but then refusing to do anything they might actually liked. And no, Bianca, you aren’t cynical. I consider myself fairly cynical, mostly because idealists (or people who think that a blog entry or a Facebook post is going to change my opinions about abortion or feminism or whatever- they’re basically the same thing in my mind) make me roll my eyes and I have no faith in humanity whatsoever- but that’s getting off topic- and she is not at all. I also hated her mother. Let’s think about this, if the roles were reversed, and the dad was the motivation speaker who walked out on them, Bianca would be building a sacrificial altar to burn him on. But her mother gets a pass, because “she’s unhappy”. She’s just as spoiled as her daughter is. Toby was a fake-out love interest with no personality, and Wesley was probably the best character out of all of them, to be honest. And yet, I didn’t feel anything regarding their relationship whatsoever. No sparks, no nothing. Honestly, it reminded me of that episode in New Girl when Jess starts to fall in love with the guy she’s hooking up, except that episode was actually good, and we actually get a reason for why she's falling in love with him. I watched 10 Things I Hate About You recently, and Keplinger must have been extremely inspired by that movie. It wasn’t my favorite stupid 90s teen comedy (that title still belongs to Clueless), but it does have Heath Ledger circa 1999 (and Joseph Gordon-Levitt trying his level best to be John Cusack), so I highly recommend just watching it because of him as opposed to reading this book. I mean, they’re both basically a retelling of Taming of the Shrew, just in one Julia Stiles’ character actually becomes less of a bitch and in the other Bianca doesn’t change at all and basically admits that Wesley is going to have to deal with her being an obnoxious bitch to him until she ends up gallivanting off to college far, far away from him. He’ll probably count the days until she goes.

6. Tragedy Girl by Christine Hurley Deriso 3/10

This book was fun to read, even though it did suck. You can tell this author is not at all used to writing thrillers. Tana French, she is not. I could guess exactly what happened by the third chapter. Nothing held my attention, not even the parts with the letters that I guess were supposed to throw us off the scent, so to speak, but they were so obviously filler. You can tell that Deriso thought that thrillers were just contemporary novels with the obligatory elements thrown in to make it a mystery, which probably explained why those elements were so cliche, like anonymous letters and “the body never being found”. A third grader could have read this book and realized that the boyfriend did it. She made it way too obvious from the get go, with him layering on the charm and then all of a sudden blowing his top. I recently finished In the Woods, by the aforementioned Tana French, and while I did kind of suspect who did it, the killer was still a fantastic subtle portrayal of a sociopath. The boyfriend was not. If this was a real life case, and I was watching it with my mom on the ID channel, we probably would have turned it off by the midway point. Hell, the ID channel probably wouldn’t have even bothered to make a show about it, since it has nothing that could be worth making a show about it, except maybe the whole letter thing (a missing body isn’t really that suspicious, especially in a seaside town. The ocean tends to keep its dead). Anne’s a dull main character by the way, and I’m impressed that someone as “brilliant” as she claimed to be needed a therapist and a best friend (with one personality trait- gay. Oh, the inclusiveness!) halfway across the country to spell out the weirdness about Blake. And they never even met him! I don’t get how trained police officers (and probably detectives as well) were so quick to write him off as a suspect. Lt Joe Kenda could probably just glance at Blake and tell the police to arrest him. But no, we need Anne to come in and save the day. There was a mean girl and some obligatory references to how hot the new girl (Anne) is from her adoring interchangeable friends, but they don’t really matter at all, do they? I liked the aunt and uncle though, and thought they were stand-up guardians for Anne, with all her whining selfishness. The writing was also bad- very simplistic for the most part, but with some big words and out of left field references to things like Occam’s Razor, that just made the whole thing feel confused and jumbled together. It was actually hard to believe that this book wasn’t a self-published novel, but it actually went through an editor. This book is good brain fluff and fun to hate read, but if you are looking for an actually good mystery-thriller, step far away from Tragedy Girl.

5. The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen 3/10

There’s a backstory behind this entry, that I think mainly colored my opinion about it. Basically, I hit kind of a reading slump in November where I was just either hating or feeling indifferent about a lot of the books I picked up, and ended up DNFing a few I thought for sure I was going to love. I probably still would have hated this book if I read it in, say, October or September, but I probably would have had a lot more patience for it. For one, the main character, Kelsey, was an idiot. An absolute idiot. For all her claims of being “book smart” girl was the stupidest monarch since Louis XVI. Actually, a better probable comparison would be to Joseph II, who was widely known for pissing off the nobility in the Holy Roman Empire by doing things like emancipating the serfs, despite the fact that the serfs didn’t really want to be emancipated. Then again, Joseph II was remembered as a pretty revolutionary leader even if he did try to reform too quickly, and he was at least semi-competent and never did idiotic things such as send his entire army to fetch a bunch of books from an abandoned cabin. I adore books, but come on now. Kelsey also appeared to have no sense of war whatsoever, and even if you are an ardent pacifist, you still need to have some military knowledge if you are going to be a ruler of any country, even during peacetime. Goddamn, how is it that I know more about political theory and history than someone who was trained her entire life to take a throne of a country? But thank God she’s read fucking Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings, because those books would help her far more in the long run than, I don’t know, a history book? Another sign that girl was an idiot was far earlier in the book, when she was talking to Robin Hood expy about her plans for being queen. Basically, she claimed she would do stuff like equalize taxes and redistribute land owned by the nobility, giving it to the poor. I think I snorted audibly when I read that and said “Are you going to give everyone a free unicorn, too?”. Politics, especially medieval politics (which is this world was obviously meant to be inspired by), doesn’t work like that, sweetie. In fact, in the Middle Ages, the nobility ruled the country, basically, and the kings actually had very little power. The other fantasy elements were heavily generic, with the medieval inspired fantasy world, evil queen (who appeared to do nothing but fuck and wonder where Kelsey was), the EVIL Church, and magic that made no sense. Just like the world building, which, for all the exposition, also didn’t make any sense to me. Clearly, Johansen just wanted to hop on the dystopian bandwagon. Yeah, this book basically sucked.

4. Girl Online: On Tour by Zoe Sugg 2/10

Were people demanding this? Like, were they sitting outside Sugg’s house in protest, not leaving until Girl Online: On Tour was announced? I don’t know. I read Girl Online last year and it was just as bad as I expected, yet something, divine force perhaps, made me pick Girl Online: On Tour up. I suppose this year I’ll have to read the third Girl Online book for the same reason. Anyway, I come from a family that likes music a lot. We go to festivals, and there’s always music playing in the car or the kitchen. My first issue with the book was the blog entry on the very first page where she described her boyfriend as a “rock god”. No, some stupid YouTube music discovery who associates with an obvious Taylor Swift expy and goes on tour with a boy band is not a rock god. Jimi Hendrix was a rock god. Iggy Pop is a rock god (look him up, Sugg, and you’ll probably pass out). David Bowie was a rock god. Perhaps pop god would have been a better title for Brooklyn Boy to hold. The descriptions of the concerts themselves were pretty funny, too, especially when I compared them to concerts I’ve seen. I think my favorite part was when Taylor Swift expy descended onto the stage like an angel; it reminded me of being at a Jane’s Addiction concert at Lollapalooza and seeing these girls dressed like strippers swing back and forth on lines that connected to hooks that were directly attached to the skin of their shoulder blades. That’s rock and roll, not any of this crap. Elliot was there, of course, to be gay and angsty, Penny makes up with both bitchy former best gal pal and Leah Brown because feminism, and we get introduced to Brooklyn Boy’s best friend I Can’t Remember His Name, or ICRHN (is it Blake? Do I care?). Penny’s reactions to him were a crack-up. Apparently, our first sign that he’s evil is because he’s underage and he drinks. He might smoke too, I can’t remember, but drinking? He’s going straight to hell. I read this book in the October of 2016, a month after I finished the masterpiece Please Kill Me, a nonfiction book about the punk movement. In that book, we learn that Iggy Pop actually sold one of his guitarist’s most prized guitars in order to buy heroin. A little drinking ain’t no big deal. Perry Farrell used to shoot up onstage, for God’s sake. And of course, at the end when he goes to rehab for drinking very little compared to how much most 18 year old boys would drink when going to multiple countries that all have the drinking age lowered to 18 or even 16 in Germany (disclaimer: I don’t actually drink and I probably never will because I don’t like the taste of alcohol. If you do, then all the more power to you). Where was I? I suppose a big difference between the two is that back in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, musicians could get away with a lot more. Now that social media abounds, squeaky clean pop stars have to remain squeaky clean. But then again, we always hear about stars with well hidden coke addictions going to rehab, so it’s nice to know that sex and drugs still live on even if rock and roll hasn’t (yet). Still, even if I was expecting a laughable sanitization of tour life, I still wanted some fun settings. Penny had the opportunity to see cities that I have seen and I would kill to see again, and she spent the entire time on a tour bus moping over her too busy boyfriend or shopping with her new bestie, Leah Brown. For a “photographer”, to not take advantage of her surroundings, especially in some of the most gorgeous cities in the world, is ridiculous. And that is all I will say about that.

3. Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin 2/10

I feel like I have to tread lightly when discussing this book, and I’m not going to talk about politics or anything that I personally believe, because we’re keeping it book related here. Nothing is going to stop me from hating this book. I hated the main character. I thought Reilly was the most stereotypically Tumblr main character ever. I hated how Reilly had no flaws and the constant self-victimization. Honestly, Reilly reminded me of every whiny, self-entitled millennial I know. Nothing could be said in fault of Reilly, although I almost stood up and applauded when Chewie took Reilly down a few pegs. Even if he did apologize later in the book. I could guess who the bad guy was right from the very beginning, and of course it was a jock, because who else is the enemy of the Tumblr folk but jocks. But above all, my main problem with this book was that Reilly constantly got praise for the blog and how Reilly wrote and everything and how funny Reilly was, but whenever we got samples of the writing or the supposed “roasting” it wasn’t that funny. I think one “joke” was just Reilly correcting the grammar of a “hater”. That’s not funny, that’s just pedantic, and I can be pretty pedantic, believe me. The only thing I kinda liked was that the Ramones and and few other old school punk bands were mentioned. But yeah, overall thumbs down on this one.

2. Awake by Natasha Preston 2-1.5/10

This book is horrible, but it’s the kind of horrible I love because I can reread it when I need a pick-me-up. Mind you, this isn’t as enjoyably awful as The Cellar, which I’ve reread many times just to laugh at it- it’s like the Showgirls of the book world. Preston’s heroine in this is basically the same as Summer, just with different coloring. Her love interest was obnoxious and clingy and she should have stuck with making him the villain instead of going over to Scarlett’s side because brainwashing is a strong force, but boners are stronger. Not as many dialogue gems as there are in The Cellar, no rip off villain with a easily parodied catchphrase. Also, I knew this book was going to be hysterically bad, so I came into the book with that expectation as opposed to how I went into The Cellar. I actually found myself let down in that aspect, because I wanted something more horribly fun to read, dammit. Another reason why I don’t think this book worked as well as The Cellar did for a hate read was the cringe worthy attempts to critique religion. In my head, I was shouting at this book “You’re not talented enough! Don’t go there you’re not talented enough!”. In the end Preston’s biggest problem as a writer is evident in this book and that is that she goes blindly into these stories with “nitty-gritty” subject matter without any research whatsoever. Until she actually researches cults or kidnapping or whatever Law and Order-ish subject she wants to write about, or decides she only wants to write fluffy romances, her books are never going to improve.

1. MARTians by Blythe Woolston 1.5/10

Not really much I could say about this book, except that it was so truly awful, it bumped a book by Natasha Preston down to second worst book of 2016 (which is a hell of a feat, let me tell you). This book made absolutely no sense, the setting was idiotic and brought nothing new to the long table of dystopia/science fiction, and the social commentary was underdeveloped and fell completely flat. Another big corporations are evil story. The only thing that I thought was interesting potential (emphasis on potential) critique was the bit about people being sexually attracted to cartoons. The “plot” was extremely thrown in there, and I felt this strange disconnect between the characters. But the biggest reason this book holds the title of the number one worst of 2016 spot was because of how poorly it was written. It wasn’t even enjoyably bad, like Preston’s books usually are. It was more like nails on a chalkboard bad. I read this book in one sitting cringing my way through because it had the same effect on my eyes that certain noises, like the clanking of china/Fiestaware, has on my ears. How this book got published, I’ll never know. I can’t even hate read this book because it will cause me too much pain. This book definitely earned its place at the top of the list.

Best Books of 2016!

I know it's kind of late for this, but here's my best books of 2016. This year, 13 books made my list, and no, I couldn't narrow it down to just 10. So, without further ado, here is The Best Books of 2016 (according to me, the only person whose opinions really matter here)! 

WARNING: THERE WILL BE MINOR SPOILERS BELOW

13. Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews (8.5/10)

This was hands down the funniest book I read all year. I wasn’t supposed to like this book. In fact, I was all set to hate it because I first heard about it in reference to The Fault in Our Stars, which I despised, so I didn’t think I would like this book. But when the first page had me dying of laughter, I knew this book and I would fall in love. And we did. I loved Greg’s teenage boy mind, I loved Earl, and I even loved Rachel. They felt like real teenagers to me, not like wordy and pretentious miniature adults. It was the realest portrayal of high school I had ever read in a YA novel, with the small friend groups and larger cliques and the imperfect teenagers that roamed the halls. This book did also make me tear up, especially when Greg and Earl “broke up”, but as a whole I was totally entertained. This is not an uplifting book. But it’s a damn good one, and one I will reread many, many times in the future. It reminded me of books like The Schwa Was Here, and Neal Shusterman’s other middle grade novels, which is a very, very good thing.

12. Those Who Wish Me Dead by Michael Koryta (8.5/10)

So, here’s the second mystery-thriller to make it on the list. This was the most action packed book of the year for me. While I wasn’t too crazy about Jace, since he didn’t have much personality, it was the other characters and the action of the mystery that kept me going. I freaking loved the Blackwell brothers to the point where this book might have made this list because of them. I loved how Koryta wasn’t afraid to kill off characters, since I feel like a common mistake in the thriller genre is to have too few deaths. In my opinion, a good thriller means that you are always unaware of who will die next. I was even able to look past a few glaring mistakes- such as the idea that an injured horse being able to haul two grown women around the mountains- and really got into the story. The Blackwell brothers were such great villains to really get into, and I loved them and their strange brotherly relationship. Everything felt so authentic, and it was obvious to me that Koryta did his research (again, with the exception of the horse thing). That whole mountain pressure (or whatever it was) was brilliant, freaking brilliant. My only complaint is that the ending seemed too tied up in a neat little bow. But other than that, I loved this book.

11. The Butterfly Garden by Dot Hutchison (8.5/10)

I don’t know what it is about thrillers last year, but it was a bad year for me. Almost every single thriller I read turned out to either suck or be mediocre. I think my average thriller rating was like a 5 or 6 out of 10. I mean, I guess some good did come out of it- I now know to stay away from YA mysteries and that I typically like police procedurals and crime novels. The Butterfly Garden blew me away. I ordered this back in May/June of 2016, but I put reading it off because I was a little scared that I would be really disappointed. So I ended up reading it in late July, and I couldn’t put it down. It was so addicting. It grabbed my attention in the way few books do, and I was so intrigued by the story and the lives of the Butterflies. I also loved that it was told from the perspective of an FBI agent, since, again, I love mysteries that focus on crime solvers like cops and FBI agents. And the disturbing bits, such as the resin encased Butterflies, that just made me want to read even more. I think there’s something wrong with me, since I really love when books go the extra mile to really try and freak me out. Stuff like that just doesn’t affect me much, which is why I was surprised to see this book was nominated for Goodreads Best Horror Book of 2016. The only thing I wasn’t thrilled by was the twist at the end- thought it was a little contrived, but even then I wasn’t so angry that my opinion changed completely, as it often does when stuff like that happens. Maya was a pretty awesome heroine, as well. When the next book comes out, I will sure as hell pick it up. You can count on it.

10. Scythe by Neal Shusterman (8.5/10)

I love Neal Shusterman. He’s one of my all time favorite authors, and his Unwind series is one of my all time favorites, period. So, why is he so low on this list? Well, simply put it’s because I didn’t love this book as much as I thought I would. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked it, but I didn’t feel that immediate connection that I felt when I picked up Unwind for the first time and knew I was going to love it. I felt weirdly distant from the characters and from the situation they were in, and I wasn’t in love with the “utopian” society because it probably would be my dystopian society. But I did find myself loving Citra Terranova and I really got on board with Citra and Rowan’s love story- but that’s probably because it reminded me of Nick the Chocolate Monster and Mary Hightower’s love subplot from the Skinjacker trilogy (another highly recommended Shusterman series), but I think the plot and the especially the villain got resolved too quickly. Also, this book was in bad need of a Hayden Upchurch, or some other form of comedic relief. With the exception of a few great one liners, this was probably Shusterman’s least funny book yet. Okay, so what did I love? There has to be something, otherwise this wouldn’t be on this list, right? Well, I love love loved the philosophical entries between the chapters- they reminded me of the notes in the Submachine point and click games (loved those games by the way- so sad that series is over). I liked the idea of Scythes, and I liked the characters, especially Citra Terranova, because honestly Neal Shusterman writes some of the best female characters I’ve ever read. I liked the violence and the disturbing qualities of the book, because it just wouldn’t be Neal Shusterman if he held back on that stuff. I liked the Thunderhead, and to me it seemed like it was a kind of God metaphor(?)- that’s how I read it as, anyway. I will definitely be continuing on in this duology- pretty sure it’s a duology, don’t really know with him, though- but I have to admit this got its place on the list mostly because I have a huge soft spot for Shusterman.

9. The Lies About Truth by Courtney C Stevens (8.5-9/10)

I read this book on a cold January Saturday in Connecticut and was instantly transported to summer. I felt like I’ve been reunited with a group of friends I’ve known from my childhood for one summer in Florida. Sadie was a great heroine, someone who I could really root for and whose path for forgiveness I emphasized with. The characters felt like real people I could know and become friends with in real life. I love character-driven novels, and while I wasn’t enthused by the plot, the take on grief was unique and interesting. Sadie’s relationship with Max particularly deserves mention. It’s a slow burning, not instalove-y relationship between two people who just want to help each other through a bad time. I wish I knew Trent in real life, but the thing is, I feel like I knew him. I feel like I knew Trent just as much as they did, and I am just as broken about his death as they are. But my absolute favorite part about this novel was the Pirates and Paintball game. That part, for some reason, hit me hard and right in the nostalgia. I have never even touched a paintball gun, and yet I felt like I had been right there with them playing that my entire life. Again, this novel brought me back to summer, running around outside with my bathing suit on and a water gun in my hand with my old friends, occasionally getting pelted by water balloons. I know this is kind of an unpopular opinion, but while I did like Faking Normal, it didn’t make a huge impression on me, and honestly, I think this book is Ms Steven’s best (so far at least). At a time where I’m seriously considering giving up on most YA contemporary (or contemporary in general), this book comes along and rescues me from that. An overall impressive sophomore effort.

8. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro 8.5-9/10

Oh this book. Literary fiction disguised as science fiction is how I once heard this book referred to as and I couldn’t agree more. I really liked this book. I got it for my birthday after I overheard people talking about it, the premise seemed interesting and right up my alley, so I picked it up. There’s something about this book that just hit all the right notes with me, and I remember sitting in my Chicago hotel room, reading all about this twisted English boarding school and being absolutely glued to the page. This book was fascinating. I love books that focus on questions like what it means to be human, which this book focused overwhelmingly on. I like how that question was never answered, but instead shown, in a ways. It appeared that this book was saying that to be human was to love, and that if you loved something, that meant that, regardless of how you came onto this Earth, you were, in fact, human. And it does seem like the clones were human, evidenced by Kathy’s love of Tommy. Some say this is a horror novel, but I disagree. I think this book is so much more than one. It does have some gruesome elements, especially when you realize the fate of these unassuming children, but it’s more about humanity and morality than anything else. This novel made me think, even months after reading it. It’s not an uplifting novel, but it’s still an excellent one nonetheless.

7. Illuminae and Gemina by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff (8.5-9/10 and 8.5/10)

Why are these books on the list? I mean, I hate space with a fiery passion. Well, when a fantasy duology becomes my 4th favorite book of the year, I guess anything could happen. I suppose these books being on here is a triumphant to those who preach the importance of stepping out of literary comfort zones and embracing genres you don’t usually embrace, like (for me at least) all types of speculative fiction. And these books are high sci-fi, not dystopian or anything like that. Still, I ate these books up right out of the metaphorical can with a big soup spoon. The action, the romance, the violence! I fell in love with the characters, including a certain AI, and I really found myself cheering for Kady and Ezra as they fought strange disease zombies and tried to get reunited. I was a bit more disappointed by Gemina. Though I still found it hard to put down, and I did love the action, I didn’t really like either of the new two main characters, and much preferred Kady and Ezra. That being said, I did love the whole Russian gang thing (russophile tendencies, here), and I did love Ella Malikova, who quickly became one of my favorite characters in the series. Travis Falk and his gang were fantastic, of course, and I will say this, but Gemina cracked my resolve and made me finally decide to ask for both books for Christmas so I could have my own copies and not feel guilty when I preordered the third book. This is one of the few series where I honestly hope there are more than three books, because Gemina did not feel like a middle book at all. In fact, the story seems to have only just begun.

6. Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys (8.5-9/10)

All hail the Queen of Historical Fiction! (And I’m only a little bit kidding about that). I read this book in one sitting, which should say something about how well it held me. Ms Sepetys always seems to find the most interesting settings for her excellent novels, and The Salt to the Sea is no exception. I had never heard of Wilhelm Gustloff prior to this novel, but reading this book makes me interested to read more about it. I love reading historical fiction novels that have settings I know very little about, and the more well-researched the better honestly. And this book is so well done. I loved all the characters’ storylines, though I do wish Alfie wasn’t just dismissed as a villain, which I think would have been a really interesting spin on the usual WWII novel. But I did love Florian and Joana’s storyline, and I love that Joana was Lina’s cousin, especially since Between Shades of Gray is one of my absolute favorite WWII historical fiction novels, and what introduced me to Ruta Sepetys. This was an impressive historical fiction novel, and one of the best I read all year (which is saying something since this year was the year of historical fiction). I don’t really have much else to say about this book except that anything Sepetys writes, I will read. And I probably will love.

5. Underdogs by Markus Zusak 8.5-9/10

I’d like to preface this entry with the fact that I adore everything Zusak has ever written (I can’t wait for whenever Bridge of Clay comes out because Lord knows I’ve been waiting long enough). But with this entry I’d like to call attention to the little known Underdogs omnibus, consisting of three books, The Underdog, Fighting Ruben Wolfe, and Getting the Girl. I know one of the complaints about this series is that they aren’t written exactly like the way I Am the Messenger or The Book Thief is written, but you can still see glimmers of his iconic writing style in the first book, The Underdog. It comes through a lot more in the second book Fighting Ruben Wolfe, and it is definitely present in the last book Getting the Girl (which I believe was originally published as When Dogs Cry). Getting the Girl is actually my favorite book in the omnibus by the way, and I don’t think I’m alone in that opinion. As one Goodreads reviewer writes, that book is when one sees Zusak turn from an amateur author into a brilliant one. I couldn’t agree more. I fell in love with this collection, I laughed, I cried, I couldn’t put it down. When I finished, I couldn’t believe that it was over, that I was never going to see Cameron and Ruben Wolfe again, that I was never going to cheer them on during their crazy stunts or see them hit on girls or watch them box again (and I don’t even really like boxing). I will say this, if you like plot driven fiction, this is are not for you. But if you like to follow characters and to get to know and love them, then this omnibus is for you. I believe that this collection exemplifies Zusak’s strongest asset as a writer and that is his ability to write people. Not hollow, two dimensional characters, but real people. I want to know Cameron and Ruben in real life. In fact, I feel like I already do. I care about them just as I cared about Liesel Meminger or Ed Kennedy. He knows how to write flaws without them taking over a character’s personality. He knows how to take unpleasant, messy traits like cowardice or playboy tendencies and yet they are still likeable. You still want to root for them even after they make mistake after mistake. Imagine that, most YA authors out there (especially you “strong female character” writers). This book is honest, sweet, and well worth the read (especially, especially Getting the Girl, though I highly recommend reading the whole thing so you can get attached to all the characters the same way I did). If you think YA and especially YA contemporary is all crap, then please read this book. This year, I was beginning to think that, but this is one of two books that became the reason I couldn’t completely write off the genre. The only reason this omnibus isn’t a solid 9 is because the first book was a bit rough around the edges. My only regret is that I will never be able to read this collection for the first time again. And one last thing- Zusak does have one hell of a gift for opening scenes, doesn’t he?

4. Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo (9/10 and 8.5/10)

These books are part of the same duology, so they go together on this list (by the way, I’m really liking this YA trend towards duologies; two books is far less intimidating than three, plus I don’t have to wait as long for the series to be over). I didn’t expect a fantasy novel to rank this high, just as I didn’t expect four (4!) science fiction-y books to make this list. But Six of Crows blew me away. I want to visit Ketterdam, I want to meet Kaz and Inej and all the characters that I fell in love with in this book. As you can see by most of the entries on this list, I love books that follow characters, because I love getting attached to characters and I sure as hell got attached to these. I think my three favorite characters were Jesper, Inej, and Kaz, and I hardcore cheered on Kaz and Inej’s love storyline. I really didn’t like Nina or Mattheus, though props to Bardugo for what she did in Crooked Kingdom- didn’t expect her to do that. I wasn’t as crazy about Crooked Kingdom as I was about Six of Crows, but I couldn’t put either book down. I hadn’t fallen this in love with a cast of characters since the Unwind series, and I am a little sad this duology is only a duology. Bardugo has a gift for world building, something I feel like few fantasy writers have. She knows how to balance it, with the perfect blend of exposition versus action. As a fan of the Grisha trilogy (mostly because of my aforementioned russophile tendencies) I did love the return of characters we all know and love such as Sturmhund and Genya. I also liked that she added Wylan’s point of view in Crooked Kingdom, since that was glaringly missing in Six of Crows. As a whole, I really loved both books. Finally, some fantasy books I actually like!

3. A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles (9/10)

When I saw A Gentleman in Moscow on the Amazon books new releases page back in September, I recognized Amor Towles, who I had read early in the year after my history teacher recommended The Rules of Civility to me. I liked that book just fine, but the premise behind A Gentleman in Moscow caught my attention straightaway, so of course I had to order it. And I was not disappointed one bit. I fell in love with this book. I laughed, I cried, I was endlessly charmed with the story and the narration. It was like I was little again and reading Eloise, who I used to be obsessed with. I loved the Count’s relationships with all the people in the Metropole, I loved Sofia, and her daughter, who ended up having such a cute father-daughter relationship with the Count, I was just in love with everything about it, especially the writing. If you’re looking for a plot driven novel, I definitely wouldn’t recommend this book, but if you’re looking for a charming, funny novel with an amazing cast of characters, this book is definitely for you. And honestly, that’s all I need in a book.

2. The Tsar of Love and Techno by Anthony Marra (9-9.5/10)

Damn, I loved this collection of short stories more than I can say. I’m so happy I finished it in time to make it on the list. I honestly believe that Anthony Marra is the absolute best new author I discovered this year, and has quickly become one of my favorite authors. This book hit me hard, and right in my sensitive spot. Each short story has its own way of connecting into an elaborate web, sometimes in multiple ways. My favorite character out of the overall amazing cast was probably Alexei (fun fact: Alexei also happens to be my favorite boy’s name), with Koyla being a close second. But the reason I liked Alexei so much probably had to do with him reading like a Zusak character (which is some of the highest praise I can give a character). I got an Ed Kennedy kinda vibe from him; he was just fantastic. While all the stories were magnificent, my favorite ones are probably Leopards, The Grozny Tourist Bureau, The Tsar of Love and Techno, and The End. Of course, I do have a least favorite story (singular actually, shocking), because they all can’t be winners, and that is Palace of the People. I’m not sure why, I think because it has kind of a YA feel for me, and I’m not crazy about Sergei (who is possibly my least favorite character) or his dad or the army vet. But the first story, Leopards, now that was fantastic. And The Grozny Tourist Bureau had me crying with laughter. The titular story reminded me of a Zusak novel, as I’ve mentioned early (mostly I Am the Messenger, with a bit of Underdogs thrown in, you know, with the main male character kind of a daydreamer with a very distinctive inner voice). Needless to say, I loved that too. But everything paled in comparison to The End. I was all set to give this book an 8.5/10, due to my not being as thrilled with Side B as I was with Side A (it still was great, though, don’t get me wrong- just not as good). But then I read The End and I almost started crying. The way this book ended was so perfect, and the gorgeous way that Marra wrote made me think he really pulled out all his writing chops for this one, beautiful story. Thank you, Mr Marra. You are my favorite discovery of this year. It’s a shame I didn’t find out about you until December.

1. The Road by Cormac McCarthy (9.5/10)

I loved this book. It was depressing, yes, but it was also more beautiful than I could put into words. At this book’s core is a message about having hope even when it seems impossible, something I think everyone should believe. It’s about how you have to have something, you can’t just not believe in anything because that is what will break you. That is what causes the loss of your humanity. This book was so hard to read at times, so bleak and empty at times, and it’s hard to get to that inner message of hope. If there’s ever a book that could possibly drive someone to the rope, it would be this book. But at the same time, it has a message that I think humanity can really benefit from. It’s told in a series of vignettes, and occasionally the tense and point of view would shift. It’s very nonlinear, in that respect, though that doesn’t soften the impact of the prose. I don’t think I’d be able to reread this book a ton, but I do love it. There are many books on my best of list this year that have carried over to my best books of all time list and this is one.