A List of Cages by Robin Roe Review

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS BELOW

“Hate ricochets, but kindness does too.”- A List of Cages, Robin Roe

When Adam Blake lands the best elective ever in his senior year, serving as an aide to the school psychologist, he thinks he’s got it made. Sure, it means a lot of sitting around, which isn’t easy for a guy with ADHD, but he can’t complain, since he gets to spend the period texting all his friends. Then the doctor asks him to track down the troubled freshman who keeps dodging her, and Adam discovers that the boy is Julian—the foster brother he hasn’t seen in five years.

Adam is ecstatic to be reunited. At first, Julian seems like the boy he once knew. He’s still kindhearted. He still writes stories and loves picture books meant for little kids. But as they spend more time together, Adam realizes that Julian is keeping secrets, like where he hides during the middle of the day, and what’s really going on inside his house. Adam is determined to help him, but his involvement could cost both boys their lives…

I picked this book up because I wanted something to break up my reading. Without it, I would have gone directly from reading The Likeness to Wolf Winter, both gorgeously written, atmospheric, and dark adult novels. This functioned as a sort of palate cleanser, so to speak, between the two. Since, to me, the best palate cleansers are contemporary YA- nothing like a little high school drama and teenage issues refresh your brain. Sure, I wonder if I'm not giving this book a fair shot because of that, since I have noticed my ratings for books lower after finishing a couple or even just one really great novel, but in this case I'm pretty sure if I go back and reread I'm going to feel the same way about this book.

I think the biggest problem I have with this book (besides the writing, but I'll get there) is the characters. That is always a problem with me, but especially when the book is meant to be character driven. No, I didn't find Julian to be an adorable little "cinnamon roll" and no, I didn't find Adam to be a loveable and quirky boy next door. In fact, both read far too young to be the age they were. I get why Julian thinks and acts the way he does, but I had serious trouble believing Adam was a senior in high school. It seems like Roe was trying to go for an Antsy Bonano vibe, except it wasn't very successful because Antsy is actually a great character and laugh out loud funny and also like 12. This is because Shusterman has a gift for humor, whereas Roe does not. I feel like I've heard all these jokes before- and they weren't even funny the first time. Every time she tries to mimic one of Shusterman's rambly metaphors or stories that blow up in the end (for lack of a better term) I cringed. Actually, I didn't even cringe, because that would mean she got a reaction out of me. The side characters just fell flat for me as well. There's a glimmer of an interesting villain in Russell, but his actual characterization is just choppy and confusing and makes me think Roe doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to writing villainous characters, Emerald was as flat as cardboard with informed attributes galore, as most cardboard characters do, (also, Emerald? Gag me with a wooden spoon and slap the parents who came up with that one) and bacteria probably have more chemistry than her and Adam do. I was kind of impressed at all the nothing I felt when it came to their relationship. Julian felt like a stereotype- a gifted yet learning disabled kid whose teachers "just don't understand him". Yawn. None of the adults in this novel felt real either, just hollow cliches.

But of course, the writing was awful too. Far too middle grade for my liking, very simplistic, and tons of telling to the point of almost no showing. Every time someone does or acts in a certain way, Roe has one of the characters tell us how that character feels instead of letting the reader figure it out. The dialogue sounded so awkward and unrealistic, as well as the thought processes of the two POV characters- debut awkwardness, perhaps? There was nothing subtle about this novel. Everything was delivered practically with a blow from a sledgehammer to go along with it. Morals and messages everywhere, contrived stories about the boy that beat Julian up in kindergarten but it's okay because he was just a sad person. What a saint his mother was for telling her son that oh so deep and original line. Oh, why do only the good die young? Because of how heavy handed the messages are, I can't take them seriously. In fact, I couldn't take anything in this book seriously. It just read too much like a Disney Channel Original Movie or like one of those movies schools force you to watch during the yearly anti-bullying assembly and then you all talk about your feelings or sing kumbaya or some shit like that. I think at the point where all Adam's friends rally around Julian during his Shakespeare performance was what really cinched it for me. While reading that I couldn't help but think to myself "I'm too cynical for this shit". 

Some nitpicks before I get to the spoiler-y section. Every time I hear homeopathic I cringe. Read some of DocBastard's many, many posts on homeopathic remedies if you want to know how bullshit they are. And Adam's car (by the way, his mother's 37 to his 18? Okay, right). A 1968 Saab delivery van? With an interior that is described as looking a 1950s vision of the future? It's obvious that Roe knows nothing about cars and only gave Adam a vintage car to show how "different" and "quirky" he is. No, even a replaced dashboard still is going to look like a normal car dashboard because it probably won't work otherwise. And the excuse that he drives an old car to save money doesn't fly, because old cars are a shit ton of work no matter what. My father has a 1970 Stingray Corvette in original condition in the garage, doesn't even drive it, and he's still always working on it because with old cars there's always stuff that has to be worked on. It doesn't seem like our man Adam is much of a grease monkey, either.

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

Two quick things. Number one: Why would Russell leave the key to the trunk out in the open? Even someone with half a brain would keep it with them at all time. And number two: I'm disgusted at Roe for how she seemed to want to imply that Russell taped Julian getting beaten for child pornography purposes. It seemed just thrown in there as a plot device with a bonus of them being able to give evidence to the court that Julian was beaten (as if the scars aren't enough). The whole child abuse plot seemed like a plot device, too, and that overall just disgusted me. And I don't get disgusted very easily.

MAJOR SPOILER SECTION OVER

Was there some good? Sure. The school nurse scene was the only scene that made me laugh because my mother is a school nurse. I could painfully relate to Julian's hatred of student picked groups, but other than that, I've got nothing. This book was just okay, honestly. In my opinion, Roe should have bumped the ages of both Julian and Adam down to 11 and 13 and set it in a middle school and just made it straight up middle grade. It would have fit much better. I don't know, this book seemed to be one of those "very important books" meant to teach kids the power of friendship and all that jazz, with tons of Goodreads reviews saying that "this book BROKE them" and talking about how "dark" and "nitty-gritty" it is. And then I'm over here, just wondering if maybe, instead of being too cynical for this shit, maybe I'm just too old for it.

5 out of 10