A House at the Bottom of a Lake by Josh Malerman Review

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS BELOW

Both seventeen. Both afraid. But both saying yes.

It sounded like the perfect first date: canoeing across a chain of lakes, sandwiches and beer in the cooler. But teenagers Amelia and James discover something below the water’s surface that changes their lives forever.

It’s got two stories.

It’s got a garden.

And the front door is open.

It’s a house at the bottom of a lake.

For the teens, there is only one rule: no questions. And yet, how could a place so spectacular come with no price tag? While the duo plays house beneath the waves, one reality remains:

Just because a house is empty, doesn’t mean nobody’s home.

I picked this novella up kind of on a whim, mostly because I was so sick of reading What the Dead Know that I needed something else. I ended up being extremely pleasantly surprised by this YA horror/suspense thriller. It's funny that a book that wasn't even on my radar until about two weeks ago ended up impressing me more than many of the books I get excited about. This isn't even the first time this year, too, Marina was also an impulse pick up and I ended up adoring that novel. I suppose there's a lesson to be learned in that, but I can't think of one at the moment.

Another thing this book has in common with Marina is that both have plots I love. I adore the water, and the idea of a house being beneath a lake is a really cool, almost surrealist concept. In fact, my junior year of high school I took a painting class in which I had to create a surrealist piece and I chose a house in the middle of the ocean. A little different, but same general concept. 

However, as much as I liked the idea behind it, the length made me a bit nervous. While I have stated in the past that I believe that most YA mysteries can and should be shortened a good 100 pages, and I am a champion of short books in general, I was a tiny bit skeptical that the plot could be concisely told in only about 110-120 pages. I shouldn't have been worried. In my opinion, this book was the best length for its story. In fact, if you added or took away even as little as 10 pages, my rating probably wouldn't have been as high as it was. The story Malerman wanted to tell couldn't have fit a novel unless he wanted to do major revisions and expand on it greatly, but at the same time it couldn't have fit a 50 page long short story in a collection of short stories. 

While the beginning was kind of slow, and the constant repetition of "both seventeen, both ..., but both ..." got old quickly, by the middle I was hooked. I ended up reading the whole thing in one sitting. And despite this, I remember the plot and the characters vividly, unlike with Dare to Disappoint. Any book I can read in under a half hour with no breaks and still stays with me holds an easy ticket into my affections. Sure, the characters are lacking, and normally I love character based fiction, but the story Malerman wanted to tell was a plot based one and not a character based one, and half the time I didn't even notice how little developed they actually were. That being said, I found Malerman's portrayal of the teenage mind, more specifically the awkwardness of new encounters and first dates, far more relatable than any "relatable teen" YA novel I've ever read.

Also, the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but the build-up to the reveal is exquisitely done, and the lead up to the conclusion had me unable to tear my eyes away. Malerman ended the book quite elegantly, allowing the story to close but still leaving us with the perfect horror movie cliffhanger, making me not entirely opposed to a companion novella or a full on sequel, but hoping one isn't in the cards despite that. Some cliffhangers just aren't meant to be resolved. 

I will say this, though, there is a niche market for this book. Not everyone's going to like it, which I suppose is true for all books but especially for this one. Those who like more traditional horror or thrillers should pass on this book, as well as those who dislike novellas. But those who love surrealist mild horror/suspense? Should absolutely pick up A House at the Bottom of a Lake. You won't regret it.

9 out of 10

What the Dead Know by Laura Lippman Review

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS BELOW

“Children can be happy when their parents are miserable. But a parent is never happier than her unhappiest child.”- What the Dead Know, Laura Lippman

Thirty years ago two sisters disappeared from a shopping mall. Their bodies were never found and those familiar with the case have always been tortured by these questions: How do you kidnap two girls? Who—or what—could have lured the two sisters away from a busy mall on a Saturday afternoon without leaving behind a single clue or witness? 

Now a clearly disoriented woman involved in a rush-hour hit-and-run claims to be the younger of the long-gone Bethany sisters. But her involuntary admission and subsequent attempt to stonewall investigators only deepens the mystery. Where has she been? Why has she waited so long to come forward? Could her abductor truly be a beloved Baltimore cop? There isn't a shred of evidence to support her story, and every lead she gives the police seems to be another dead end—a dying, incoherent man, a razed house, a missing grave, and a family that disintegrated long ago, torn apart not only by the crime but by the fissures the tragedy revealed in what appeared to be the perfect household. 

In a story that moves back and forth across the decades, there is only one person who dares to be skeptical of a woman who wants to claim the identity of one Bethany sister without revealing the fate of the other. Will he be able to discover the truth?

I didn't particularly want to start with this Laura Lippman book. No, I wanted to read her arguably most famous work, Every Secret Thing, but that book not only had an ugly cover and was more than I was willing to pay and the library copy was falling apart, so I put it down. And then I stumbled upon this book in Goodreads Deals for $1.99 and figured what the hell. That was probably a mistake.

For one thing, the book took me way too long to read for a mere 350-400 page book. But for some reason, I felt as if it was almost a 100 pages longer than it actually was, with the story, a story made for a 300 page if that novel, stretched out like taffy being pulled until you could see through it. 

(Does that metaphor work?) (Who the hell cares, let's just roll with it.)

But let me back up. Explain to you my first thoughts. Which were actually extremely positive. I settled into this book in my favorite chair with a bag of Cape Cod chips nestled in the curl of my elbow. I admired the pretty prose (though there were a few paragraphs I had to read twice) and put the book down after a mere twenty minutes of reading (after which I was dismayed to discover I had only read about 5% of the book) to do something else. I liked the way Lippman set up the opening scene, liked the way she set up the characters, couldn't find anything to complain about really. 

And then, I started reading more and more. And, much in the same way my Megan Abbott experience went, the flaws and patterns in Lippman's writing style began to stick out. For instance, I noticed that Lippman, when describing a person, won't say something like "she was a tall, fat, older woman". No, instead she would say something along the lines of "tall and fat, she was an older woman". Personally, I'm fine with this tactic being used occasionally, just to switch things up a bit, but the amount of times Lippman used this grated on me. I wasn't surprised at all to learn she was a reporter, because it's a very reporter thing to write. But the writing wasn't my biggest annoyance with the novel.

No, there's something, or someone, far worse.

Meet Heather Bethany, the only person in the world to ever be sexually abused. Seriously. I know this probably is the exact wrong thing to say, but she needed to build a bridge and get over herself already. She pissed me off with her constant victimizing of herself, claiming that everyone else was responsible for the fact that she had a shitty life, and even judging others for their problems because she had everything so much worse. I hated her. She reminded me strongly of Blanche DuBois from A Streetcar Named Desire, but there was something I was able to pity about Blanche, and Blanche wasn't nearly as obnoxious and self-victimizing as Heather. No, Blanche was more annoying than anything else, but not so much that her downfall wasn't sad and horrific. By the end of this novel, I actually wanted something along the same lines as what happened to Blanche happen to Heather, which may make me a horrible person but it's the truth. 

There was also something strongly reminiscent of Lolita in Heather's backstory, but I always felt the same way about Dolores Haze as I did about Blanche, so I couldn't connect the two on that level.

I mean, most of the other characters were horrible, too. The only ones I really liked where Willoughby, Nancy, and sometimes Lenhardt and Kay. All the others, especially Miriam, had this snobbery that I detested, as if they acted like they were so much better from everyone else. I also hated about how much attention was given to the looks of Miriam and Heather, about how they were so beautiful and such geniuses and everyone loved them or was jealous of them because of it. Ugh. The whole Bethany family just annoyed the living hell out of me, especially Miriam and both the Bethany girls. Dave's heart always seemed like it was in the right place, so I gave him a bit of a pass.

The best parts of this book were the crime parts with the detectives (big surprise). When Lippman took us back to the police station I felt comfortable, like I had been here before and like the story was actually moving forward. The treadmill effect (when you feel like you've read so much and then you look how much is left and you haven't even made a dent in it) hit this book particularly hard. It was so discouraging to read for two hours (I've finished books in less time) and realize that I've only made it through 20% of it. Much of it is Lippman's fault, I think, because just as we would be getting closer to the ending, suddenly, another goddamn flashback would show up. I think I was almost going to cry during one part, when Willoughby dropped a bombshell and I was thinking "yes, this story was finally getting somewhere" and then I turned the page and the chapter heading said "Miriam". I literally couldn't stand Miriam's parts, I didn't care about her goddamn perfect life in Mexico, where she was complaining that she started fresh so the mean people wouldn't judge her for "moving on". 

I also found myself getting really tired of this book really quickly. Like I could only take about 2 hours worth of this book. Any more than that, and it will make your head hurt.

This all being said, I didn't really hate this book. The ending I didn't like, the Bethany family I didn't like, but the story was good and so were the detectives. What could easily have been an 8 out of 10 for me ended up being in the middle of the road because of the two above things. 

I think I'll classify Laura Lippman with Megan Abbott in my brain. Both are definitely talented thriller writers, popular with many people, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend either one, but neither worked for me. However, I feel considerably less eager to pick up another Lippman, unlike the way I felt towards Abbott. I still might read Every Secret Thing, but I think I'll live without it, even though I do give thriller writers more chances than other writers because it's such a fickle genre for me, and who knows, I might end up loving it. I suppose fans of Gillian Flynn might appreciate the horridness of the female characters in What the Dead Know, but I've never read her either. She's on my list though. But all I know about this book is I'm sure as hell glad it's over.

6 out of 10

Universal Harvester by John Darnielle Review

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS BELOW

“Not everybody wants to get out and see the world. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you just want to figure out how to fit yourself into the world you already know.”- Universal Harvester, John Darnielle

Life in a small town takes a dark turn when mysterious footage begins appearing on VHS cassettes at the local Video Hut

Jeremy works at the counter of Video Hut in Nevada, Iowa. It’s a small town—the first “a” in the name is pronounced ay—smack in the center of the state. This is the late 1990s, pre-DVD, and the Hollywood Video in Ames poses an existential threat to Video Hut. But there are regular customers, a predictable rush in the late afternoon. It’s good enough for Jeremy: It’s a job; it’s quiet and regular; he gets to watch movies; he likes the owner, Sarah Jane; it gets him out of the house, where he and his dad try to avoid missing Mom, who died six years ago in a car wreck.

But when Stephanie Parsons, a local schoolteacher, comes in to return her copy of Targets, starring Boris Karloff—an old movie, one Jeremy himself had ordered for the store—she has an odd complaint: “There’s something on it,” she says, but doesn’t elaborate. Two days later, Lindsey Redinius brings back She’s All That, a new release, and complains that there’s something wrong with it: “There’s another movie on this tape.”

So Jeremy takes a look. And indeed, in the middle of the movie the screen blinks dark for a moment and She’s All That is replaced by a black-and-white scene, shot in a barn, with only the faint sounds of someone breathing. Four minutes later, She’s All That is back. But there is something profoundly disturbing about that scene; Jeremy’s compelled to watch it three or four times. The scenes recorded onto Targets are similar, undoubtedly created by the same hand. Creepy. And the barn looks a lot like a barn just outside of town.

Jeremy doesn’t want to be curious. In truth, it freaks him out, deeply. This has gone far enough, maybe too far already. But Stephanie is pushing, and once Sarah Jane takes a look and becomes obsessed, there’s no more ignoring the disturbing scenes on the videos. And all of a sudden, what had once been the placid, regular old Iowa fields and farmhouses now feels haunted and threatening, imbued with loss and instability and profound foreboding. For Jeremy, and all those around him, life will never be the same . . . 

Well, that was weird. I hadn't read Darnielle's other book, Wolf in White Van, and I had little interest in picking it up- synopsis just didn't really appeal to me. Maybe if I had I would have been less pleasantly surprised by just how bizarre this story was.

I mean, I did expect some weirdness, as I did read the summary on the flap, but I didn't know I get some David Lynch horror here. More specifically, I kept thinking of the first episode of the Twin Peaks revival, with the glass box that had all the cameras trained on it and the constant atmospheric humming. And the shadowy demon that ate the horny couple's faces off, but mostly the first part.

I also want to take this moment to say that I really liked that it took place in Iowa, especially because prior to reading this the only other book I read that ever took place in Iowa was The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson, and this book could not be more different than that one (though I highly, highly recommend the latter). 

Subject matter-wise, this book isn't exactly the creepiest book in the world. But the atmosphere is where the most of the horror elements come in. I was impressed by this to say the least- most authors focus solely on plot when writing horror, simply because that is the easiest and most effect way to write horror books, much in same way that horror directors do. But if Darnielle had focused purely on plot, this, in my opinion, wouldn't be a horror novel. It would be a mystery-thriller with some horror elements, but not a horror book the way we think of horror. Instead, Darnielle focuses on the setting and atmosphere of the book, allowing that to add the creepiness needed. In that respect, he reminds me yet again of David Lynch and how Lynch works with cinematography and especially sound to make a shot as unnerving as possible.

The nonlinear storyline made this book a bit hard to follow, at first, but at the same time, I wasn't too bothered by it. My favorite part was part three, I believe, that followed Lisa's family and explained, somewhat, the reason for the tapes- though it took me a while to figure that out- but I also kind of liked all of the parts. I was surprisingly unbothered by the lack of development in the characters. Perhaps because in this book, it's clear that these characters are pawns for telling the story and not meant to be well-developed any more than a few backstories or a dead mother here or there. I did, however, want more of the cult, but that's just me. I'm interested in cults, but the two books I've read about them- Awake, which I admittedly didn't read for an actual realistic take on cults, and The Sacred Lies of Minnow Bly, which only was okay because I ended up not liking any of the characters and thinking the author seemed awfully proud of herself for writing that book. So that part of this novel was interesting to me.

However, I admit that this book is confusing, to say the least. I'm not going to pretend I'm some highbrow intellectual who automatically understands everything I read, so after reading I had to look it up on Goodreads just to see if someone could concisely explain the ending to me. After letting the book sit in my mind for a few days, I think I could come to the same conclusion that the people on Goodreads came to, but I could see why a lot of people would be turned off reading this book and I do think Darnielle could have made it a lot more accessible.

On the flip side, I can also say I would be disappointed if I didn't have to look up the end of Goodreads. Darnielle clearly does not want to write for the public, he wants to write for a niche group of people, and I can't fault him for that. Sure, his debut novel ended up being fairly popular, but I think that, by writing this second book and probably maintaining his style, he limited his fan base down to a select few who will now likely read everything he comes out with. I suppose, in that respect, Darnielle is creating his own cult fan base.

I don't know if I'll consider myself a Darnielle devotee yet. I am a bit more interested in picking up Wolf in a White Van then I was prior to beginning Universal Harvester, since I did, if you couldn't tell, really like this book, as I've been known to look past the synopsis if I like the author's writing. I also admit that I do see something Submachine-esque (one of my favorite games ever) in the plot than I used to, so that might happen eventually. Of course, it might go the way of the Lunar Chronicles ended up going (which is nowhere at the moment) so we'll see. 

8.5 out of 10

This Is Our Story by Ashley Elston Review

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS BELOW

“'If one of us goes down for this, it’ll be as bad as all of us going down for this,' ...'We can’t let that happen.'”- This Is Our Story, Ashley Elston

Five went in. Four came out.

No one knows what happened that morning at River Point. Five boys went hunting. Four came back. The boys won’t say who fired the shot that killed their friend; the evidence shows it could have been any one of them. 

Kate Marino’s senior year internship at the district attorney’s office isn’t exactly glamorous—more like an excuse to leave school early that looks good on college applications. Then the DA hands her boss, Mr. Stone, the biggest case her small town of Belle Terre has ever seen. The River Point Boys are all anyone can talk about. Despite their damning toxicology reports the morning of the accident, the DA wants the boys’ case swept under the rug. He owes his political office to their powerful families.

Kate won’t let that happen. Digging up secrets without revealing her own is a dangerous line to walk; Kate has her own reasons for seeking justice for Grant. As she investigates with Stone, the aging prosecutor relying on Kate to see and hear what he cannot, she realizes that nothing about the case—or the boys—is what it seems. Grant wasn’t who she thought he was, and neither is Stone’s prime suspect. As Kate gets dangerously close to the truth, it becomes clear that the early morning accident might not have been an accident at all—and if Kate doesn’t uncover the true killer, more than one life could be on the line…including her own.

I'm mentioned before that I still don't know why I read YA mysteries. I think because it's a habit I can't quite kick, even though the last good YA mystery I read was back in November, when I got stupid lucky and read two within a very short period of time and neither made me want to throw the book off a cliff. 

Oddly, I spent most of this book feeling fairly neutral about it. And by "fairly neutral" I mean absolutely nothing. Seriously, this book did not get one emotion reaction out of me except maybe mild intrigue and detached curiosity. However, that actually worked in the book's favor for much of it, as my lack of emotion reaction stopped the main character from annoying me any more than slight irritation. Because if I was reading it with my normal attentiveness and emotional passion, I probably would have hated our lovely Kate. Instead, apart from a few snarky notes I wrote down, I didn't care much about her except as a narrative vehicle who occasionally got under my skin.

Of course, perhaps my lack of emotional attachment came from the fact that this is pretty generic YA mystery shit. You know, corrupt town, rich boys getting away with everything, main heroine with your typical poor fatherless background- Elston didn't take any risks here. The only reason why I even picked this book up in the first place was because she worked in a prosecutor's office and I hoped it would have some crime elements along with the mystery. And it did, and that made me happy- I especially liked the detective interviews with the boys. 

I was amazed by just how much Elston seemed to enjoy the art of character assassination. No one is morally grey here, everyone is either pure evil or wonderful. Frankly, I especially found Grant to be a let down because she didn't really need to completely butcher his character for the sake of the story. And also, if he did turn out to be a complete asshole then why would I actually want the murder to be resolved, anyway? In order for a murder mystery novel to work, I actually have to give a damn in some capacity who the victim is. I think one of the biggest problems in this novel is how all the River Point Boys, even the victim, were shown to be complete and utter assholes. Except, of course, Love Interest. But for most of the book I couldn't help but think "Would it really matter if they all went free? Or if they all went to prison? I mean, sure, sucks, whatever, but no great loss to society either way, right? If they all went free, it wouldn't matter because Grant turned out to be a dickhead anyway and it's pretty safe to say that the killer isn't going to kill again, and if they all went to jail than it would also not really matter because they were also all kind of dickheads." Needless to say, those are not thoughts I should have running through my head when reading a whodunnit.

I would also like to take this moment to say that I am so sick of the constant corruption that it seems like every YA rich person/official seems to be take part in. Why don't we ever find nice, normal, well-adjusted rich kids, or mayors, or sheriffs, or prosecutors, or whatever? Is that what teens want to read about, now? Honestly, by falling back on these cliches it becomes a convenient way to avoid depth, and the authors know that these cliches are safe anyway because, especially if they're white, most of the reviewers are going to eat it up anyway, talking about how "refreshing" it is to see this happen when in reality it happens in every goddamn book. *deep breath*

There was also the typical bitching about how broken our justice system is and about how often "guilty men walk free" and "innocent men go to jail" and I wrote in my notes the same thing I think when I hear that- "you have any better ideas?". Since her ranting focused primarily on the court system, I'll say this, our court system is pretty damn good for what it is. We do a good job in letting both sides tell their story and giving both equal weight. I'm not saying it's perfect or anything, and I do have some ideas on how to make it better- for instance, I believe that double jeopardy isn't necessarily a bad thing, and that there should be a system set up so in certain cases it can happen, mostly because I don't think it's fair that a convicted criminal can appeal his sentence and possibly get it overturned but his case can't go back to court if more evidence was found. This hypothetical double jeopardy system would be set up like the appeals system, of course. I also believe things like judges can't belong to a political party, but I know how unrealistic that is. The difference between me and this book, though, is that I actually have ideas on how to fix it (and I acknowledge how unlikely it is that either of these two sample ideas would ever come to fruition), and I qualify my statement with what exactly is fair about the court system and what isn't. I don't just bitch about it and act like my civil duty is done because I talked about it, and don't actually have any ideas to improve the system (and no, a complete overhaul of the system isn't a viable idea- if it hasn't happened in the 200+ years we've been a country, it's never going to happen). 

Writing this review, I'm struck by just how much this book reminds me of The Secret Place. Think about it, a close group of friends devoted to protecting each other. A rich boy victim. A video/photograph that has a lot of do with motive. Of course, Tana French's book was anything but generic and her writing and character depth can blow Elston's out of the water, but still. I mean, this novel is a lot shorter, but if the synopsis of this book intrigues you just pick up The Secret Place instead. You won't regret it.

One of the weakest links in this story is, in my opinion (aka, the only opinion that matters here), the love aspect. I cared nothing for Kate and Shep, and thought the only purpose for that half-assed twist was so Elston could give us a love interest that wasn't dead. Not to mention, that love interest made Kate even stupider than she was before. I don't know about her, but if this case was one of my close family friend's last shot at a big case before stepping down, I'd calm my fucking hormones down and help him. I wouldn't basically sabotage his case and ruin his career (and also potentially get my mother fired) just because I'm in love. I think right around there was the time I woke up from whatever trance I was in and actually started to hate Kate. That just seemed so selfish and unforgivable to me. 

Like I said, I think my neutrality helped this book a lot. Because even when I "hated" it, I didn't really "hate" it. My emotions were very surface level. I think this is helped out by the writing. It wasn't anything really to write home about- the narration was your typical generic teen girl, the murderer narrative was your typical murderer, etc. The only thing that interested me, again, was the interviews.

So, do I recommend this book? Eh. I mean, the cover is cool, I'll give it that, and I'm sure a casual fan of YA mystery novels would love this book, but as for me and people like me- actual fans of mystery-thrillers? Probably not. Unless, of course, you like the same old, same old.

4 out of 10

Blood Family by Anne Fine Review

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS BELOW

“That is the problem with these [foster] kids, of course. Whatever pain or loss it was that made them come to you, that never goes. It's always there. Always. There in the background, like a lurking enemy, waiting to trip them up. Or worse, waiting for them to trip themselves.”- Blood Family, Anne Fine

Edward is four years old when he is locked away with his mother by her abusive, alcoholic partner, Harris. By the time an elderly neighbor spots his pale face peering through a crack in the boarded-up window and raises the alarm, he is seven.

Rescue comes, but lasting damage has been done. Sent to live with a kind foster family, and then adopted, Edward struggles to adapt to normal life. Even as a smart and curious teenager it’s still clear to his new family and schoolmates there’s something odd about him.

Then in a science museum, Edward sees an image that shocks him to the core and robs him of his hard won sense of safety. Can anyone’s past truly be left behind? And could it be that, deep down, another Harris is waiting to break out?

I can't believe this cover passed the editor. It's hideous. Jesus, it's almost as bad as the new Breathing Underwater covers. 

Remember how in my On the Jellicoe Road review I extolled the virtues of Aussie YA authors? Well, for some reason English YA authors (and some English adult writers, too) have the opposite effect on me. I know, I know, this is a horrible generalization but it's kind of the truth. Or maybe I just haven't read enough English YA writers (someone, recommend me a good one, please). 

It's not that I hated this book, but to say I was underwhelmed is an understatement. I think maybe a problem I find with English YA writers is that I've noticed YA isn't really a label. It's either adult or children. So I find a lot of British exported books that are categorized in America as YA actually feel a lot younger than YA, more on the middle grade side of YA, really. Of course, this is just my opinion, your mileage may vary, etc etc.

And it was a problem in this book, especially because Eddie's voice was very young sounding- almost like his development was stunted in some way- that it was jarring to hear girls described as liking him or the fact that he was like 16 when this book ended. It made words or scenes that normally wouldn't bother me- like shit or Jesus Christ or the many scenes of him drinking/doing drugs (and in one case, kicking the shit out of a child, though that's never actually shown)- stick out to say the least. Which was strange, especially because much of the violence or graphic parts- like Harris beating his mother- were never actually shown. I was fine with this, but at the same time they felt glossed over and made it hard for me to actually connect with the situation. I'm not saying I need a detailed description of what he did to her, and perhaps Fine was attempting to do that horror novel tactic of letting the human imagination do what it does best, but still. This made me feel even more disconnected from the story.

Also, what was with the multiple perspectives? I think at one point one of the characters made some reference to an outside author writing everything down, but it was never really specified and I wasn't sure how necessary the multiple POVs were at the end of the day.

Honestly, this is turning into a mini review because I can't for the life of me remember anything else that happened in this book- and I read it not even a day ago! Well, I suppose the characters were fine. I liked how the family Eddie was adopted into seemed different from most of the families I've read about in YA- sure, they were flawed, but flawed in a realistic way. I quite liked them. I also liked Rob Reed, and the older couple that took him in first. It's nice to see foster families represented in a nice way as opposed to the typical abusive cases YA usually likes to show.

The references to Mr Perkins reminded me of Mr Rogers and made me get a little emotional. I have this strange soft spot towards live action children's TV shows. Not necessarily animated kid's TV though, just live action, and especially shows like Mr Rogers. I still have this odd little wish to live in the world that they do, because it seems so cozy, like one of those idyllic 50s towns where everyone knows their neighbor and you can hop on the trolley to go shopping. I remember going to Pittsburgh last summer and standing on the bridge that overlooks the canal and was reminded of the show. See, the reason I'm going on about this like some sentimental sap is because that part of the book is the only thing that actually emotionally connected me. This little boy who had nothing but a bunch of old tapes with a children's TV show on them, hit me pretty hard in the feelings. 

Though, at the end of the day, this was still a pretty meh book. It was like along the same lines as Who Killed Christopher Goodman. I didn't hate it, didn't love it, probably going to forget about it. 

6 out of 10

Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli Review

WARNING: THERE MAY BE SPOILERS BELOW

“People really are like houses with vast rooms and tiny windows. And maybe it's a good thing, the way we never stop surprising each other.”- Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Becky Albertalli

Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised.

With some messy dynamics emerging in his once tight-knit group of friends, and his email correspondence with Blue growing more flirtatious every day, Simon’s junior year has suddenly gotten all kinds of complicated. Now, change-averse Simon has to find a way to step out of his comfort zone before he’s pushed out—without alienating his friends, compromising himself, or fumbling a shot at happiness with the most confusing, adorable guy he’s never met.

So I finally read this extremely hyped up YA novel. I don't avoid these, per say, I just don't read them until I feel like I'm in the right mental state to read them. Sometimes this works out, mostly it doesn't. But I was in a good state when it came to reading popular books, since last month I read and enjoyed books like Adam Silvera's latest with a long-ass title, and Tana French's insanely popular adult crime novels. So with all that I went into Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, a title I actually hate because it's long and doesn't flow well at all. I'm not against long titles- after all, I love titles like The Tsar of Love and Techno and Tell the Wolves I'm Home, but those have a nice rhythm to them. This title just felt contrived, and I want to avoid typing it as much as possible.

But enough title bitching, let's get on with it, shall we?

This was one of those "relatable" teen novels. To me, it read like an older person, probably a mom, was trying to show how "down with the kids" she was. Every time I read "I can't even" I cringed. And the humor, oh my God. Becky Albertalli is trying way too hard to appeal to the teenage crowd. The humor in this book got more eye rolls than any other reaction from me. 

All the characters also fell under the dreaded "relatable" disease. Seriously, they were tailor-made to appeal to the teenage bookworm audience. Our main character was a theater kid, who is obsessed with Larry Motter (or is it Barry Pogger?), one of his best friends loves classic rock and plays guitar, the other is an anime freak (with a supposedly dry, deadpan sense of humor), and everyone in his friend group is apparently an AP kid, despite that fact that none of them seem that smart or even take AP classes or talk about them at all- I was an AP kid in high school, and I swear half the conversations I had were about what grade I got on that test-essay-whatever and the injustices of our teachers assigning something after the first week of May. Also, apparently Simon considered himself a "cynic". Because I suppose being cynical is cool now, amiright? I think of all the characters I'd probably get along with Alice the least- I could see myself biting my tongue and holding back a lot eye rolls as she bitches about people calling girls bitches. My thoughts on this are as follows: if you're a bitch, I'm calling you one, and if you tell me not to than you're a bigger one. No different than calling a guy a dick in my opinion, and unless you want to lecture us all on when to call someone a dick you don't have an argument. People like Alice get under my skin. I'd like Nora the most I think. 

But can we take a minute to talk about the parents? Seriously, trying too hard. They are probably the most cringe-worthy parents I've ever read. I mean, they make a holiday out of watching The Bachelor? I could tell that Albertalli aspires to be parents like them, and they just ended up annoying me. The thing that kills me is that all their kids seem perfectly comfortable with their parents, when in reality in my parents acted like them I wouldn't take them anywhere because they'd be too embarrassing. 

I feel like most of this book was a study in over and under reactions. Seriously, if another student was trying to blackmail me, I think I'd go to administration and raise hell, not go along with it. Simon also had a weirdly calm reaction to it, too, and have the time didn't even seem any more than mildly annoyed that he was being blackmailed. Later he gets wasted after going out to some gay bar and his parents rip him a new one, as they should. But because he yells at his dad for making gay jokes (yet he made like two and both weren't that bad), so they basically released him from all punishment. Also, I think Albertalli just had to create some kind of friendship conflict in there, so she made Abby be mad at him for "interfering with her love life", yet she showed no concern for him being blackmailed (he also didn't interfere with her love life very much). It was a canned conflict, and believe me it felt like one. And at one point- this wasn't necessarily an overreaction, it was more unrealistic- a group of guys harasses Simon for being gay by having one of them wear a skirt and the other hold up a sign saying "what what in tha butt" or something stupid like that. This is at drama practice, by the way. Sure, gay kids are bullied, but Albertalli is trying to tell me that a group of probable burnouts are that invested in harassing a gay kid that they actually find a skirt, make a poster, and stay after school specifically to bully him. No. In real life, Simon would probably get made fun of, maybe, or get fag written on his locker in permanent marker, but not that.

The writing also just wasn't that great, and half the time I think this book lost the plot. Seriously, I kept forgetting about the blackmail thing because it was barely in the book. And the emails drove me crazy- do we really need that much fluff? At one point I could have sworn that Albertalli was sponsored by Oreos because she mentioned them like 10 times in two pages. But hey, teens like those Oreo things, right? 

A few other, maybe more nitpicking things before I conclude. Along with a bonus writing lesson, because haven't had one of those in a while. There is a very minor character named, get this, Carys. The reason why I remember it so well is because I spent a good minute trying to figure out how to pronounce her name. Car-ys? Care-is? Chris? Ca-ris? And for such an insignificant character, too. I think the Care-is pronunciation is my favorite because it reminds me of the movie Better Off Dead and that woman who tries to teach the French exchange student how to pronounce Christmas. Care-is-mas. So, tip to all writers, it's okay (though frowned upon) to give a bizarrely spelled name to a major character, but not a character that's in the book for two fucking minutes. It's jarring, and forces us to remember a name that's not even that important, anyway. In three years, when I look back at this book, the only name I'm going to remember is Carys. Also, 3d ultrasounds aren't that weird. What's weirder, though, is that this was the third time in two days I heard reborn baby dolls referenced. Lastly, "impressively realistic" and "manga style". Make up your mind as to which it is. 

My final thoughts? Well, wasn't that cute. And relatable. Quick, someone find me a spoon to shove down my throat. I mean, I get why this book is so popular, representation and all that shit, but at the same time, I think I should have known that this book wouldn't work for me as well as it worked for other people. But in my defense, I did really enjoy Adam Silvera's work, like I said earlier, so I thought it would be okay. Eh, maybe I would have loved it two years ago. Still, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to the audience of YA-loving 14-16 year olds it was clearly written for.

3.5 out of 10

May 2017 Wrap-Up

Jesus, May managed to be both the longest month ever and fly completely by. I read more books than I thought I would, but that's only because I added a bunch of short impulse reads to the list, so in reality I felt like I read nothing. I mean, it's disappointing to me, but I admit that shorter book lists are a lot easier for me to write these long ass wrap-ups than longer book lists. And with that here's what I read in May!

You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott 7.5/10 (342 pg)*

My Review: You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott

  The first Megan Abbott book I read this month, and it left me feeling pretty okay on her in general. I didn't hate this book, but the main character (Katie) was just a bit too bland for my liking and the supposedly dysfunctional family could have been done better. But I liked the writing and the subject matter, so I left the month feeling pretty good about how this month would turn out reading wise. This book follows a family in which the daughter is a exceptional gymnast, and the lengths they take to give their daughter the best opportunities they can when murder hits.

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera 7.5/10 (292 pg)
My Review: History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera
  After that, I picked up History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera. I had read More Happy Than Not last year, and liked it just fine. I mean, it didn't move me or anything, but it was an enjoyable enough book and one that, while I wouldn't go out of my way to recommend, if it was on a list of books or if someone was thinking about reading it I'd recommend it. It was the same with this book. It didn't impact me greatly, but I was happy enough reading it. This was about a boy whose ex boyfriend drowned out in California and he's trying to cope with the ex's death while the ex's current boyfriend is trying to connect with the main character, if that makes any sense at all. There are some surface level similarities to Tell the Wolves I'm Home, the sleeper hit of last month, except more shallow.

Dare Me by Megan Abbott 7/10 (290 pg)
My Review: Dare Me by Megan Abbott
  After reading this book, I came to the conclusion that Megan Abbott doesn't really work as well for me as she works with some people. For me, her books are like a really rich chocolate cake. I like reading them in small doses, but once I actually sit down and really read them, I kind of start feeling a little sick. What started great became exhausting, and I was happy to finish this book, which was about a new cheer coach coming to whip a ragtag bunch of cheerleaders into shape, and one girl who seems hellbent on taking that coach down. Oh, and it's got a mystery somewhere, but who really cares about that, when you've basically got Heathers going on?

The Pearl Thief by Elizabeth Wein 6/10 (326 pg)
My Review: The Pearl Thief by Elizabeth Wein
  This was the month of new releases for me, and things did not start out very strong with Elizabeth Wein's The Pearl Thief. Billed as a Code Name Verity prequel about Queenie, the "verity" in Code Name Verity, and her attempting to find out what happened to her granddad's pearls while also befriending a family of Scottish Travellers, this book felt like it was a Code Name Verity prequel in name only. I mean, it was all right, but Wein really should have made it a standalone.

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh 9.5/10 (402 pg)
  My favorite book of the month, and I didn't even write a review for it because it's a classic and I don't write reviews for classics. But I loved it. Everything about it. The writing, the characters, the setting. I loved how it took place partially at Oxford College. I loved the way Waugh showed the crumbling of the British aristocracy through the Flyte family. Overall, I just really enjoyed this book, and can't wait to pick up more Evelyn Waugh. His writing and subject matter reminds me a lot of F Scott Fitzgerald's, and I love his sense of humor. Also, I'm in love with this cover. All the covers for this book are great, but this one's my favorite.

Violet Grenade by Victoria Scott 4-4.5/10 (300 pg)*
My Review: Violet Grenade by Victoria Scott
  This was the second new release of this month that I was anticipating. While I did initially pre order this book hoping for a serious dark thriller, it took a turn for the comical with me and ended up being the most fun book I read since Forbidden back in February. I mean, I can't in good faith call this book well-written or say I would recommend it to someone looking to get into thrillers, but for what it's worth it's an amusing book. Basically, it's about a girl named Dominio who is homeless and trying to make money by working at a highly competitive home for entertainers in West Texas. 

Skandal by Lindsay Smith 6.5/10 (328 pg)
My Review: Skandal by Lindsay Smith
  The unnecessary sequel to Sekret, which was about Soviet teenagers with mind powers being trained by the KGB, this book ended up being just like the first, but with a change of setting. Seriously, it's America now instead of the USSR. The characters aren't the best, and the villain is still cartoonish, and the flaws I was able to overlook in the first book became more prominent in this book. I'm glad this duology is over, even if it was fun and I don't regret reading it. I'd recommend not doing what I did and instead marathoning the duology some boring weekend if you really feel compelled to read the sequel to Sekret. I still recommend Sekret, though.

The Secret Place by Tana French 8.5-9/10 (480 pg)
My Review: The Secret Place by Tana French
  This was the month I finished Tana French's Dublin Murder Squad series (or, at least the 6 books out now). And of course she left me wanting more. Some dark little part of me hoped the series would go on a decline so I wouldn't have to wait until 2018 (pretty sure she publishes every two years) to get my next Murder Squad book, but alas, this series remained pretty much great throughout and now I have to continue on. I think Ms French is my favorite discovery of 2017 (okay, yes, I know I first found out about her in 2016 but I didn't fall in love with her books until In the Woods). This addition to the series followed Det Stephen Moran as he tries to figure out what exactly happened to a young boy found dead outside an all girls' boarding school, a case further complicated by the appearance of Holly Mackey, the daughter of our old friend Frank Mackey.

The Roses of May by Dot Hutchison 7/10 (300 pg)
My Review: The Roses of May by Dot Hutchison
  By far the most disappointing release of 2017 so far. It wasn't that this book was a bad book by any means, but it wasn't as good as I hoped it to be. While reading, I felt like Hutchison didn't really know what she wanted to do with this book, and it showed in her writing. This was meant to be a sequel to The Butterfly Garden, one of my favorite books of 2016, but instead of the Butterflies it was supposed to focus on a new killer, one who killed a new girl every spring and surrounded her body with flowers. However, the book ended up jumping around to different things- the butterflies, the life of the main character, the lives of the FBI agent- that I felt like I didn't really get a sense of the mystery at all. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either.

The Cabin by Natasha Preston 3/10 (336 pg)
My Review: The Cabin by Natasha Preston
  Another Natasha Preston book, because she's the fun kind of bad. I spent a lot of this book sniggering at the idiotic dialogue and rolling my eyes at the decisions of the characters in this book, which is about a group of friends who go to this fairly remote (although, we're talking England here, remote in this context means like 30 minutes from civilization, big woop) cabin for the weekend. After a night of hard drinking, two of them end up dead, and our heroine must find out who did it and if whoever did it will stop the killing. This is also tied into a car accident that claimed the interchangeable lives of two of their friends about eight or so months ago. I mean, it wasn't very good, in fact it was very bad, but you really have to read her books to truly grasp just how bad they are. I mean, if there's one thing I did like, it's that the main character is actually an optimist. I'm not, but I get sick of seeing "cynical" MCs everywhere so that a Pollyanna actually feels like a breath of fresh air. Also, the covers of the three thrillers I have of hers all match, so that's a plus, right?

Ghosts by Raina Telgemeier 7.5/10 (250 pg)*
My Review: Ghosts by Raina Telgemeier
  This book was a supersweet middle grade graphic novel about a girl who moves to the Northern California coast from Southern California so that the sea air will help her little sister with her cystic fibrosis, and discovers that the foggy little town she moved to is actually a ghost haven. There's a great Mexican vibe to it, and, while a bit lacking, is still a lovely story that I'd highly recommend to ages 9-12. 

Dare to Disappoint by Ozge Samanci 5-5.5/10 (190 pg)
My Review: Dare to Disappoint by Ozge Samanci
  I wasn't nearly as in like with this graphic memoir about a girl growing up in Turkey and the pressures her father especially put on her as I was with the above or the below. Instead, I found it a bit shallow and rushed and ultimately not as successful as it could have been. Samanci, in my opinion, bit off a bit more than she could chew with this book, and I felt like she didn't really know where she wanted to go with the story, much like The Roses of May now that I think about it. I mean, some parts were better than others, but this book left me lukewarm. I didn't hate it, but I'd still recommend passing on this one.

The AIDS Generation by Perry N Halkitis 7/10 (249 pg)*
My Review: The AIDS Generation by Perry N Halkitis
  This academic study about, well the AIDS generation of HIV positive men, took me basically the entire month to read and was a bit disappointing, not going to lie. I wish the language was a bit more literary and less academic, but if you are at all interested in researching the history of the impact of AIDS on the gay community and the psyche of HIV positive men, I would definitely recommend this book. For someone who wants just a surface level look at the epidemic, or a more personal view, there's plenty of memoirs and other history books out there with what you're looking for.

Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol 7.5-8/10 (229 pg)*
My Review: Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol
  I literally bought this book with the expectation I would read it in June and then, for the lack of anything else to read, read it in 2 hours. Though, like all graphic novels, it has the typical shallow problem, I think this is my favorite one that I've read in a long time. Anya's Ghost is basically about a Russian immigrant who is trying to move away from her Russian heritage and assimilate in her American high school while also dealing with crushes and the ghost she discovered after falling down a hidden well. While I wish that Brosgol would expand on the story, I'd still have no problems giving this book to someone from the ages of 11-16.

Page total: 4,324
Average rating: 6.5/10 (rounded down)
Genre breakdown: 6 mystery-thrillers
                 3 historical fiction
                 3 graphic novels (2 paranormal, 1 memoir)
                 1 contemporary
                 1 nonfiction
Of those, 6 were adult, 6 were YA, and 2 were middle grade

The total number of books I read was 14, but it's more the page number that I'm disappointed with, since it's the lowest total since I think January? Not sure. Not to mention it was a very mediocre reading month- I don't think I could bring myself to feel strongly about any book this month- even the bad books were just entertaining and not rage-inducing. Ah well. Maybe June will be better...

*e-books